Coping with Covid

As a New Graduate RN, I can honestly say that working through the pandemic has pushed my practice to new places. An outbreak on the ward where I work caused me to contract the virus and experience some of its nasty symptoms. It was challenging to try and recover whilst hearing of all my coworkers and patients who were also sick, as well as the mixed messages of support and hatred coming from the public in regards to the outbreak. The exhaustion from the virus was beyond anything I've ever experienced and I was told this symptom would last long beyond my infectious period. When I returned to work, feeling exhausted and anxious, I realized that contracting the virus had taught me understanding. As someone who had never been severely ill before, I was now better able to put myself in the shoes of the positive patients I cared for and better understand everything they were struggling with. This has made me a more compassionate and caring nurse. Due to so many of my colleagues being sick, I have been put into many situations I was not super comfortable with as a new nurse. This includes being redeployed to a unit I had never worked on before, caring for Covid positive patients and having to work as the Charge Nurse. It has been stressful to be put into these situations but I have found solace in knowing that my practice will only be strengthened from it and that I have the support of all my colleagues who are at home recovering from Covid. I now see the good in the bad.

- Robyn MacDonald

Having covid shut everything down in the early months of my second semester of nursing completely threw my world. Quickly having to adjust to no face to face labs, no longer having instructor facilitated lectures, and a pile of new assignments to makeup for lost time - just to be plopped into a long term care clinical in the peak of covid cases. It was HARD. But I will never forget laughing with friends while we were far apart in a field, saying hello to 15 family members over joint FaceTime, spending more time with my close family, the drive by “Happy Birthday!“’s, and the work-from-home lunch dates with my mom (that always lasted a bit longer than they should’ve). Covid sucks, but I have to say that this experience has encouraged me to say “Thank you” and “I love you” a little more often to the community who has stood behind me, through it all.

After driving for 7 hours, I stand staring at my 92 year old mother’s nursing home where, for the second time in a month I am barred from seeing her as another unit locks down for a confirmed case of COVID. She calls me about 15 times/day now, crying and calling out for me - she can’t hear me respond, telling her I love her and it’s going to be ok, because she is deaf….I know all I can do is bear witness to her pain so I don’t hang up right away. I feel 92. People have always told me I am a passionate person - they’re right. I HATE COVID with a PASSION.

This pandemic has created so many challenges for us as nurses. It is difficult to reflect on an experience while in the midst of it, but I am grateful for my family. Though almost everything else has fallen away we are able to be together, and to have each other through this. With forgiveness, grace, and new mercy for each day, we are mostly #copingwithcovid.

Starting my career as a nurse in the midst of a global pandemic is certainly not what I expected! Working as a nurse during COVID-19 is hard. The PPE is hot, the hours are long and the staff shortages are all too real. Thankfully Ottawa has no shortage of green space & getting outside has been my way of coping. COVID-19 may last longer than we all had hoped, and if that is the case there will be lots of skiing and snowshoeing in store for me this winter!

I asked them to pivot. Pushed them for more. Amidst a pandemic, we faced extreme pressures to deliver our curriculum in a way that was safe for our students and maintained the same level of excellence in nursing education. We were an applied science, needing to flip to a virtual platform. They were exhausted, anxious and fragile. They were sprinting in a lengthy marathon. As their leader, I felt it all. I carried the weight too. Our students deserved the best. My instructors needed a reprieve. I felt like I was holding the key to that delicate balance - terrified that the scale would tip over in any given moment. We either pivot or we perish. COVID doesn’t care which one we choose.                                                              

I was completing the last shifts of my orientation to return to work when I was notified that the ward was to be adapted to provide COVID-19 care. I had anticipated, based on emerging world news, that the pandemic spread was coming to Canada and was prepared to deliver care in those circumstances. The extent of the unknowns surrounding risk factors and spread motivated a decision for me to separate from my household and family. We spent seven weeks apart, and I don’t regret the protective decision as the workplace experienced significant upheavals in policy changes and supply shortages. I will remember the pervasive and tangible levels of distress experienced by front line workers facing unknowns. Overall, I am thankful for the devoted coworkers, educators and public servants who have shown adaptability, reason, and calm through these times.

It was a very hot summer to be wearing full PPE transporting potential and confirmed COVID-19 cases. Communication on the helicopter intercom system is difficult and the cleaning processes have been tedious. The winter will bring some new challenges and some of the same old ones. We have learned a lot but it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.

To reflect on coping with covid, the vulnerability of well being comes to mind. In February 2020 The fear of the unknown through this global pandemic was challenging. We needed to work together, in order to stay apart physically. The Social distancing, only getting necessities when out, no large gatherings, and no visiting our loved ones in nursing care. All changes that we never anticipated. Understanding the importance of this, and respecting the guidelines is how we continue to help be part of the solution. Depending where you are living, some guidelines have eased, more small gatherings, more local shops able to open, and visits with our loved ones in care, all while still being aware of what’s happening. Personally where I am living I am thankful for the resilience I have seen demonstrated by those around me, the support and kindness, and the resources that became available through online support groups, nursing staff helping seniors Facetime and Zoom with their loved ones when unable to meet in person. Overall I have been impressed with what is at the core when things get tough. we are reminded of the simple things, yet the bigger picture. Coping with covid, is teaching me something bigger than fear. 

If somebody had told me eight months ago that I wouldn’t know the next time I’d see my family, I wouldn’t have believed them. But here we are, eight months later, and I don’t know when I will see my family next. Although my family lives only three provinces away from me in Manitoba, the idea of traveling there is a daunting and unrealistic idea. It’s not only the two-week quarantine there and back that makes it difficult, but what if I am an asymptomatic COVID carrier and I infect someone? What if the person I infect is my 90-year-old grandmother, or my 3-year-old niece? Could I live with myself knowing I put them in harm’s way? As we enter the winter months and what seems to be the second wave of COVID, I become more fearful that it could easily be another full year before I see my family. I never
thought I could miss people so deeply and with such heartache, nor did I realize how much I valued my family. Living on my own, three provinces away, I yearn to be with them, to laugh and share tears and simply just to be with one another when we each have nothing else to do. For now, FaceTime will suffice and has become my most favourite piece of technology. Through FaceTime, I get to see my family and be reminded of how lucky I am to
belong to such a wonderful group of people. But still I wake each day and attempt to make plans in my head to travel there: could I drive? What if I did just take 6 weeks off? Where would I quarantine? I do not know what the next year will bring, but I know that my family will persevere and come out stronger than before.

Having Covid shut everything down in the early months of my second semester of nursing completely threw my world. Quickly having to adjust to no face to face labs, no longer having instructor facilitated lectures, and a pile of new assignments to makeup for lost time - just to be plopped into a long-term care clinical in the peak of Covid cases. It was HARD. But I will never forget laughing with friends while we were far apart in a field, saying hello to 15 family members over joint FaceTime, spending more time with my close family, the drive by “Happy Birthday!”’s, and the work-from-home lunch dates with my mom (that always lasted a bit longer than they should’ve). Covid sucks, but I have to say that this experience has encouraged me to say “Thank you” and “I love you” a little more often to the community who has stood behind me, through it all.

Transition from student to new graduate in the time of COVID.

Nursing in the time of COVID has been and continues to be the most physically and mentally challenging experience of my life. It has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions where I have felt joy and happiness, only to be hit with fear and uncertainty. I found myself at times regretting my decision to become a nurse and subsequently feeling guilty for these thoughts.
As a new-graduate nurse I was hired to my dream medical floor. One that I had past employment experience on as a student and had begun to develop connections to my soon- to-be co-workers. However due to COVID the hospital units were re-configured and staff were redeployed. The unit that I was hired to ceased to exist in the first 2 of 3 months of my new- graduate hours. For my first 11 shifts I worked as supernumerary on a newly amalgamated surgical and clinical teaching unit. The patient population consisted of heavy trauma patients and total care medical mysteries. It was 11 physically demanding shifts filled with new skills, new policies, new ways of doing and some not so welcoming and tired staff members. I remember coming home from my first shift on this new floor and ugly crying myself to sleep. I felt overwhelmed and out of my element. I felt constant anxiety and doubted my skills and abilities often. I spent most of my personal time between sets reliving the shifts. Like many I spent this time in my own personal bubble away from family and friends. I had no release and no healthy way to cope with the shock of transition. I felt very alone at this time.

Fortunately, for my next 13 shifts I was reunited with the redeployed staff members on the unit I was hired to. However, this meant I was working on our very busy and fast paced COVID unit. At this point I remember feeling overwhelmed with yet another change in patient population, acuity, skills, policies, unit layout and ways of doing. At this time in my new graduate hours I struggled with a new fear; bringing COVID home to my partner and his family. I felt guilty for bringing home my fears to my partner and for essentially being the reason that he stayed away from his parents and grandparents.

During the final shifts of my new graduate hours I was moved one last time, thankfully to the re- opened unit that I was originally hired to. I remember feeling some of the fear and anxiety I was carrying with me leave and found some relief and comfort in the routine and familiarity of the unit I knew and enjoyed as a student. As my supernumerary hours came to an end and I began working for the first time truly on my own as a registered nurse I began to thankfully gain confidence in my practice. I remember having mornings when I would wake up with a knot in my stomach in anticipation for the day to come, however, as I forced myself to pick up shifts the unease slowly faded.

Now at 7 months as a new graduate nurse I look forward to picking up work. There are days that are tough physically and emotionally, where I doubt myself, question my decisions and feel incompetent. But then again, there are days that I feel great about the quality of care I provided and my ability to think critically and communicate effectively with patients and co-workers. I have yet to find a way to truly cope with COVID in both my professional and personal life. I do however feel that I have become more resilient and have an appreciation for the knowledge I have gained in this time if not for the changes and challenges brought on by COVID. I do hope that as COVID persists that I will be able to adapt and find ways to cope. It is my hope that I will be able to rediscover the passion I had for nursing as a student in the near future as a new graduate nurse and have a very rewarding and fulfilling career in the many years to come in this profession.

As I bear witness, at the hospital bedside of my mother, to a long life lived and the pain and suffering that often characterizes our final days, I am poignantly reminded that nurses are the soldiers of the suffering….we fight for them, we stand guard over them, we protect them. For once I am grateful for COVID - the mask disguises how hard it is to serve as a witness to such suffering - it allows me privacy in my grief.